Henry Porter - the-hold.com/october 2000

Henry Porter - the-hold.com

Henry Porter
     I was born in the back seat of a greyhound bus traveling down highway 41. I ran away from home and was taken in by a traveling gypsy woman who tied me to the wagon wheel so that I would get around. Then I ran away and joined the circus. They put me in the sideshow but I didn't like it much so I snuck up to the frontshow. Later, I got a job in the great north woods but one day the ax just fell. so I motorvated down to new Orleans and became a Bob Dylan imitator. Nobody noticed so I drifted up the coast on the Intercoastal Waterway, landed in jail in New York City for starting a peaceful riot. Never did like it all that much. So I got a riding lawnmower and drove it across the country, met up with a little gal; called herself Camellia Gocart. We drove them till the wheels fell off and burned. So then she thumbed a Diesel down in the pouring rain. I pulled out my red bandanna and we sang that trucker all the way into New Orleans - but then, the streets of Rome. Did I tell you about the streets of Rome? Me and that little gal walked and painted that town like it was going out of busyness. But we split up on a dark sad night both agreeing it was best.
     That's about all. I hitch-hiked on an ocean liner back to where I was from. Got me a job in an unemployment office and became a regular joe, all the while remembering my dream of becoming a next elvis. Wrote a song for everyone and wrote a song for you. Wrote a memo to the president but it was returned to sender. Now I'm semi-retired and living in Catcando, Allerroo.

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The Professional Stretcher

JOB WANTED: PROFESSIONAL STRETCHER
SCHEDULE AND SALARY NEGOCIATABLE
since I've been behind lately
in my stretching
and since I want to follow the practice
of creating my own lifestyle
I've decided, to hire myself out
I'm going to go back into stretching
which is one of the best things
I can do fro myself, so, I
may as well do it for you too
so call me, the professional stretcher
I do sideways,
but not a lot of torso crunches
didn't like that about yoga
cut my breath off
but I can stretch out, and over
so call me, I'm practicing now
let me stretch for you
in two weeks, we'll feel loose, relaxed,
and good to go
so call me now, we'll talk
and I'll stretch for you

When Willie Went Down to Onion Town

one time crazy Joe Beet
made a presentation
to a "let's wait and see" society
and he asked the poetic question
"when Willie went down to Onion town,
did Willie go way cross Georgia?"
people yeeked and shrieked
some grabbed the floor
speaking in tie-tongue
in legalese, and in defiance
of standards of common comedy
there were only six three stooges
Joe Beet shouted above a whisper
everyone with a curly complex say
NYAK, NYAK, NYAK, NYAK
hemming and hawing they decided to
wait and see
so Joe brung on the main event
Bozo the clown who said
when you put on the nose
you know you knows the nose knows
the gallery one hand clapped
while the audience thinned out to
their normal weight, some crying in flames
not knowing how to separate a thought
from a feeling
all you got to do, Bozo said, is pull
this little cotter pin out
Joe and Bozo fought over the cotter pin
while little Willie, back from behind the vat
with onion gin for all
played a little guitar, bout the size of a ukulele
and led the crowd in a lousy rendition
of please don't eat the daises
the meeting was adjourned
after a resolution was passed
to look later into whatever and something or other
after which Joe, Bozo, and Willie
got soused on the remains of the
onion gin la de da, la de da, ha ha, ha!

New Job

I was happy to have a new job
even in a dream, it was at the
land mines claims office
slow day, alone
in an old school building
went for a look-see
unused rooms, stale air
run down, full of frippery
found two doors
one led outside, back
yard drops off
to a bowl like area
elaborate courtyard
steps down, stairs up
I went the highest
asked a lady a question
something she didn't answer
man with very droopy eyelids
said to me, "please don't ask why
no one wants to say,
the doctors haven't been to help
ever since the turning away"
I found my way back
up to my office
long lines waiting

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